Just a thought.

earthtoashh asked: I just found your story and I am totally inspired we have had very similar experiences and it's nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just started losing weight a few weeks ago and lost 10 pounds in two weeks! I'm trying really hard to keep an eye on the prize but it's hard knowing you have such a large amount to lose. Have you ever experienced that?

awesome, and yes i have definitely. i wish i could tell you it gets easier. but honestly try to focus on smaller goals. give yourself weekly goals. i know i saw results on a weekly basis if i stuck to it.. so weekly or every 2 weeks a new weight goal is totally do able. honestly though. try to realign your thinking you know? like this is so much a mind battle as it is a physical challenge. try waking up every day and writing out daily goals or thoughts on the weight loss and just refocus. mind over matter.

Anonymous asked: Your little rant, motivation speech thing is what. I. needed. No joke. I have finally realized that it's time to change my life around. Because the look you have in the left picture is how I look at myself everyday and it's not normal. I've finally realized that no diet pill, no miracle is ever gonna fix my problem except for myself. I'm so happy I saw your post on my dash because I seriously can't even tell you how much it opened my eyes. So thank you 💙 keep doing what you're doing love!

LOVE THIS. these are the posts that make it worth it.. putting my pictures and story on here. so glad i could help motivate you. i hope you will eventually message me and share your progress!! best of luck to you. believe in yourself. you can do it and YOU WILL! :)

melikegetsfit asked: I saw ur progress photos and just wanna say you are incredible&flawless. You rock girl, I admire you so much!! x♥♥

that means alot. definitely not flawless but thankyou!! :)

filling the void.

i realized something. its been tossing and turning in my head all night. alright so hear me out. what the hell is wrong with our generation? our whole concept of love is so fucked up. myself included. i’m listening to sam smiths song… stay with me. now i know that song isn’t everyone’s favorite. but for whatever reason it caught my attention and i really felt it resonate with me. honestly. its sad though. how we fill this void. this loneliness. deep down we know that its not going to last. were only fulfilling some temporary satisfaction. but fuck it. we don’t care. its not love… but its a fix. and we’ll take it.

and then what? then we go on with our lives. living in this lonely state. this underlying state we learn to tolerate.

you know what i think? i think were scared. scared to death of this thing called love. scared to admit that we desire it all at actually. but why? we all want it. In the back of our heads, in the depths of our hearts… we hope. We hope that we will find something that will last. someone different from all the rest. but maybe that’s precisely the problem. were comparing. we have these preconceived ideas of what love should and shouldn’t look like. we paint this picture in our head of what we need.. what we want..  and what we must avoid. We build up these walls over time. from all the different lovers. different nights. whether we want to believe it or not.

i don’t even think we realize just how tainted we’ve become.

imagine a fresh start. a clean conscious. nothing to compare to. no expectations. no fears. no baggage.

I think this fear holds us back from experiencing real love. or at least the potential. we give into this temporary satisfaction... and in the end…  we compromise what we’re truly after. unconditional love.

maybe we fall victim to someone abusive. whether it be emotionally, physically, whatever the case… we learn to accept this. because at some point in the chaos.. they give us that taste. that small glimpse of love. if only just for a moment. it becomes enough.

maybe some people go through life never thinking about the depths of this whole topic. maybe they go from lover to lover, fix to fix, and eventually they just find someone that lasts long enough, you know?  longer than the rest. and that’s it. maybe they settle, maybe they don’t.

but that’s not me. i feel things very deeply. i love deeply, i think deeply, and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

i really want a fresh start. i want to love without expectation. i know i’ve blogged about this before. but it just kills me. hearing that song.. realizing just how much i felt it. I’ve been there far too many times. taken a temporary fix in a moment of loneliness. wanting to fulfill this desire. knowing its not love. yet not caring. because it feels good. it feels good to numb the pain. if only for a moment. but i know I’m only prolonging the ultimate goal. desire. something we all have in common. its our human nature. despite our language.. our religion.. our background.. our culture.. our ethnicity.. we all have a desire. to love and be loved.

well that’s my thoughts for the night. i may not have it all figured out.. but who really does anyway?